Accomplished.

Hey blogspot,

It's been a while. My mum took my laptop cause of my grades in school but it's back now and I got a bunch to talk about.

Last Friday, I went to my first Rave. That was pretty fun, until the cops shut it down and we had to dip and then it got less fun. But I will hopefully be going to more.

I think i'm finally over Alyssa. But I still care for her a lot and It KILLS me to see her hurt. And it makes me wanna hurt anyone who makes her feel less than she is.

On a better note...sorta...the person I was talking about in a previous blog, the one I like, asked me out last Thursday. I didn't say Yes right away cause we were both REALLY baked and I didn't want him (yes it's a him) to regret it the next day. He found out I liked him cause of a drunken game of Truth or Dare and he asked me if I did. It took me a while to respond ("MAN this is some good fruit punch *siiip*") but i eventually did. Then the next day when we were smokin he wanted to talk about it and it ended with him saying he liked me too and he wanted me to be his girlfriend and I was soo baked and I couldn't really process what was going on and didn't really want too cause I was afraid. Of what? I don't know. Maybe of "Waking up"....
Cause when I'm high, I feel like I'm dreaming anyways and him saying all that just tripped me out and like made me feel like I needed to "wake up". But I wasn't dreaming and It was happening. I kept telling him he didn't know what he was saying and I didn't want him to say it and change his mind the next day, so He said he would ask me again the next day and give me time to think about it.
So the next day rolls around, and I'm waiting for it. All day I wait for it. Then at the last min I ask him, "So I guess you changed your mind?" And he tells me he didn't change his mind and that he thinks we should take it slow and keep doing what were doing and see where it goes.
I don't really know what taking it slow means since we've known each other for a while now. But I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches life throws at me.

I had a magical walk home from Alyssa's today though. She lives rather far from the trolley station, about a 45 min walk. It took me about an hour. I took a "short cut" through these woods and got lost. I was kinda struggling to find my way out with out going back the way I came. I had to go through webs and sticks and branches and step in mud and under trees. But It was a pretty amazing feeling when I finally made it out. I felt rather accomplished and proud of myself. When I was out I sat on this wall and just sat there, with twigs and little webs in my hair and looking back through the woods and being happy I made it out on my own.
No help.
No distractions.
Just Me, Myself, And I.
And that's a pretty amazing feeling when you know you can make yourself feel that way without the help of others. I'm not saying I don't need anyone's help with "finding my way out", I'm just saying, I can do it perfectly well on my own if I need to.


Maybe it's a sign that things are starting to look up again.
It is possible. Things are changing
I like change but at the same time I hate it.
I want my friends to change with me and not leave my side.

Hey Andrew,
Imissyou.

That's All She Wrote.

Hey Blogspot,

Today was just content. Nothing interesting. Hanging out with Andrew was the highlight of my day.
Alyssa's getting a new boyfriend. She asked me if I would be okay with that.
Stupid question.

FuckMyLife.
Everything is getting really shitty lately.
School Sucks too
>.<

I just wanna dig myself a hole and just stay there forever.
Just away from everything so nothing can hurt me.

Realization.

Hey Blogspot,

Today was a pretty good day. Hung out with Cody. Made him look sexy and what not x)
It's always fun hanging out with him. I'm making a bunch of new bffls this year :)

I had a weird realization today. Thaat I like someone. I kinda knew this but now I actually know. It's weird cause I didn't realize how much I talked about them and/or thought about them until today. I don't want to like them though. It could happen, but I don't want it to. I have my reasons.
Mainly cause I don't wanna get hurt. And I'm pretty content with what we got anyway :)
I just gotta resist temptation.

But I don't like having more than one person on my mind
I barely like have one person on my mind constantly.
This is just getting ridiculous.

Dear Tia,

Dear Tia,

All this stops now. These feelings you have for her need to stop cause it's never gonna happen again. Be fuckin thankful you guys are still friends. That should be enough. That's all you need, you said yourself. " I don't need someone else to be my "significant other" to make me happy...." But you know deep down you do. You actually don't NEED to but it would help. I don't understand why you're so hung up on her. You guys dated for what? Two? Three weeks? What is that compared to other couples that last months and years. It's nothing. You guys have such a great time when you two are together. Don't go messin shit up just cause you're being a pussy bitch about the situation
You seriously just need to suck it up and move on. Sure, you can cry a few rivers, but you better build a damn good stable bridge and get over it. You saw the tittle, I know you did, and you wanted it to be about you. It's not. I know how much you want it to be. But there is a 99.9% it's not. Don't hold your fuckin breathe on that last percent. I don't mean to be so negative. But this is the only way your gonna get through to yourself. She was an amazing girlfriend, you know this. She's a great friend too, can't you just settle for that? I know you're always gonna have that little speckle of hope that she will suddenly change her mind. I know you believe in second chances and thirds and sometimes even forths. You just gotta go with the flow of things. Sometimes they might not go the way you planned or hoped, but Life's a bitch and then you die.
Nuff said.
So maybe in the far far future, something might happen, and if not, oh well. But you're gonna always have that that little ounce of hope huh? Ha, I know you too well.

Love Always,
Tia

The Outback.

Hiya Blogspot,

This has been a pretty great weekend :) I spent it with Alyssa. We were suppose to go on a magical adventure to Hillcrest on a count of she never been there. BUUT she met up with some friends and decided I go and hang out with them. Not gonna lie, I was pretty upset cause that's the second time my plans got changed cause of someone else. But she convinced me with free bud so haha.
Well when we finally met up we went to these woods where her friends were. One of them I knew from like kindergarten. It was cool smokin with him and the others. Then three of them left to eat so it was just Alyssa and her friend Gabe and I. We moved deeper into the woods we were by and found this perfect spot. We decided to call it "The Outback" But you have to say it in an Australian accent. Gabe thought of that. Then the other came back with a box of pizza and we had a piece. We had to of smoked about 20-30 bowls that day. It was fuckin crazy. We smoked non-stop for about a hour and a half. When we finally stopped, we got up and walked to Mcdonalds casue we had killer munchies. We get there and order 5 double cheeseburgers, a large fry, and a mc flurry. Gabe passed out at the table. His eye's were bloodshot red since his eye are blue. But It was funny. Then I went to Alyssa's to spend the night. We were super high still but i taught her "Your Call" on the guitar and then just turned on a video of Family Guy and passed out on the floor of her bedroom.
When we woke up we chilled at her house for a bit, then went on a magical adventure and smoked in a sewer. haha it was eerry in there. Then we took the bus to go venture for food. We went and got Taco Bell (Since Alyssa FAILS and wouldn't let me get Sonic!). After Taco Bell, we went to "The Outback" and smoked like two more bowls. Then we decided to go to Ian's house. On the way Alyssa almost killed us by trying to walk over an unfinished bridge. We eventually got to Ian's where he serenaded us with his guitar and let us lay on his obnoxiously comfy bed. Then we all laid down and watched South Park until I had to leave. So I walked all the way back to the trolley and went home.
Overall, great weekend. It's always nice hanging out with Alyssa.
I still miss holding her and stuff but I'm just thankful we're still real close friends. I don't know why, but I always have an inch of hope left in my. If I like someone enough, I wait for them.
But that's something I need to stop doing before it screws something up.

Kick Rocks.

Hey Blogspot,

Today wasn't such a great day. Yesterday was better so ima tell you about yesterday :)
Yesterday I hung out with Dylan. We went to church and then I spent the night.
I love hanging out with him. He's like the ONLY friend who I have not gotten into any fights with, Don't get irritated with, and makes me feel better about myself. He HARDLY points out the negatives. And is pretty much there when I need him.
I'm not saying none of my other friends do that, cause of course they do. But I don't give Dylan credit. I remember a little while ago, how it would be late at night but neither one of us would hesitate to call one another when we were having problems. Cause we were going through the same ones. I wish I could still do that. But I'm thankful that he's there when he is.
I've made a new friend :) Wendy is her name. We're gonna be crazy old ladies together with purple and neon green hair :D
I've gained a friend and lost one, Natalie. She's found her new group of friends. More power to her. Kick Rocks; Deuces.

So I still haven't had my lucid dream yet. I haven't really been trying though, but my dreams have been getting a tad bit better. Just a tad. But soon I will master the power of
a Lucid Dreamer.

:)